Pain, Knee Injection, Psycho-Analysis

Due to my upcoming steroid injection in my knee on Tuesday I had to cut out any pain killer that is an NSAID. If used it could cause dangerous bleeding. So by cutting out my Meloxicam, the pain became worse.

I have spent most of the last few days in bed. Laying down is less painful than sitting. If I had a couch I could sit with my legs straight, but since I don’t have one, sitting in a 4 legged chair or my computer chair is quite painful.

My knee is not the only painful area. My back is still a problem. I still feel my spine moving and popping. My whole body is an issue.

I mentioned that I was losing my therapist and then the whole office was closing down. My last appointment was last Tuesday, well I slept right through it. In a way, I am glad, since that eliminated the emotional part. I figure since I am not in a panic, that things are good and maybe it is time to let it go for good.

I still have my psychiatric nurse who prescribes my medications for my mental issues and is willing to talk if I need it. She does therapy too, but way out of my budget.

I can’t take much more of this pain and need to lie down again. The longer I am without my NSAID the worse my arthritis pain gets. Getting there on Tuesday and then having only a local anesthetic I am going to really be in pain. I can’t be knocked out unless I go to a surgical center or the hospital due to my BMI since I am obese. I have been knocked out with no problems, but new laws won’t allow it done in a procedure center at the pain management office. If what they give me is an anesthetic I would hate to have it without. The pain is tremendous. They tell me it will just feel like a bee sting. I would like that bee to sting them. That is the worse bee sting I have ever had.

My neighbor is driving me home. I drove myself last time. It was possible, but having someone drive you is much more comfortable. My dad used to drive me before he had a stroke.

Can’t wait until it is over.

Tessa – 

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.com (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

Author of a book, a work in progress on the blog, https://tessacandoit.com/government-property-a-memoir-as-a-military-wife/

Highlighted chapters are done and ready to be read.

Question: Can I Keep Working with Fibromyalgia or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome?

For me, the answer to this was a resounding no. My job, was not physical, but it was mental and the “Fibro Fog” inhibited my ability to think, multitask and learn new things easily. I also had other physical conditions and it was necessary for me to go out on disability. It has been 8 and a half years ago now.

Anyone who has tried to live on government disability knows it is not easy. My pain and mental problems are difficult to deal with, but there is no choice as it is not curable and in my case none of the treatments tried have worked.

Tessa –

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.com (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

Sleep writing again

I just looked at some of my recent postings and I don’t remember writing them. I not only sleep walk I sleep write. Oh and sleep eat as well.

So I will blame the weird posts on my non-wakefullness when posting.

Today is sunny and warm. Of course a few days from now they are predicting snow again.

I joined a writing club to add to my reading club.

Trying to stay out of bed 24 hours a day.

On the 21st of this month I am getting WiFi and cable installed, plus the package includes a phone for the 2 year contract. I am a new customer so I hope this fits my poor little budget. The hotspot on my phone is not working very well and I could do so much more if I wasn’t limited to so much time on my phone for all of the gadgets I have. You run out, it works, it just slows way down which can be a pain on the computer or trying to stream a movie or something. Plus I can watch my shows that I have had to give up. Hopefully they can get my son’s old tv working and connected. It is larger than mine.

Tessa –

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.com (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

Changing pain meds – JusJoJan #31

January 31, 2019 #JusJoJan Wrapup

I have been on Percocets, high dose and not much relief.

After talking to my pain management doctor we have decided to try Morphine which is supposed to be stronger. I haven’t started yet so I don’t know for sure, but hope to start tomorrow. There was an issue with the dose (smallest) not being available. After much debate from the doctor and asking me if I would be willing to cut the next dose up in half we are going to hopefully have it for tomorrow.

This is also an experiment as supposedly I was allergic to Morphine according to the ER. I told the dr and she said the IV brands are much stronger and they probably overdosed me to begin with which she did as she was going to help me for the pain in the next few hours. I hope this works as I didn’t like being allergic to the Morphine. Ambulances can only use Morphine around here and if I were to be unconscious Morphine is the pain reliever they use. Granted I wouldn’t feel it most likely if I were unconscious.

Tessa –

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.com (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

JusJoJan – Sunday – January 27th

JusJoJan January 27th

I haven’t been reading posts so January is almost gone. I won’t be going back and trying to catch up.

Life is difficult with dad’s stroke and dementia. I had no idea what a stroke does to you. He is DNR (do not resuscitate). I wasn’t happy years ago when my parents told me their desire for this, but they legally made up living wills. When my mom passed 5 years ago I began to understand the sense it made. My mom suddenly was not responding. Even with the DNR it took about 10 days for her to finally pass. No one wanted to see her like that for who knows how long not to mention the immense expense that could arise. I am fine with my dad’s DNR. He is suffering right now and he wants to go and if assisted suicide was legal he would be all for it. Although now he is not really of sound mine most of the time so it wouldn’t be allowed anyhow I am sure. He is living in a long term care center which is just a fancy name for nursing home. He is mad at us a lot of the time because we have to sell his assets to pay for his care. This isn’t easy anyhow as his house is old, outdated and simply needs to be completely re-made over and there is an expensive retaining wall in the back yard fally down which will run from $10,000 to $20,000 to fix. We are not fixing the house up because the government is going to get whatever money we make over the reverse mortgage lien. We are waiting for Medicaid to kick in as it costs us $10,000 a month to keep him there and we, well he, is paying for that.

Tessa –

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.com (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

Chronic Pain – So tired of it!

It has been 2 months since they deadened the nerves in my back. It was supposed to take only 6, maybe 8 months til it worked. It hasn’t although it does occasionally give me a small period maybe even a day without major pain. Nothing they do seems to help me. I am so tired of this chronic pain. It doesn’t give me much of a life, but what can I do but live with it.

I am trying to do things to take my mind off of it. I joined a book club, joined overeaters anonymous and go to bingo once a week. I am also reading more besides the book I have to read for the book club.

I haven’t felt much like writing though and my blogs are just sitting here.

Tessa –

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.com (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

Strokes suck the life out of all concerned

My dad’s dementia is getting much worse. He isn’t lucid very often.

We just had to go to the hospital as he was not responding and waking up. He WAS awake, but pretending he was not conscious because he was sure the nurse’s and aides were alien monster doctors and they wanted to eat his brains. The last time he wasn’t responding there was something wrong but this time it was strictly fear. He thinks everyone in his facility is an alien and bad ones most of them. An expensive hospital visit because of his dementia. I only hope he doesn’t keep doing this one. An expense for nothing. I understand why they had to send him, but I hope he doesn’t keep doing this.

Tessa –

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.com (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

Long Term Care (Nursing Home) Antics

My dad is in long term care now and is still patient pays while we sell his assets and get the government’s (Medicaid) help to pay for it. The house is a wreck and has a reverse mortgage on it which needs to be paid first so not sure what we might get toward his health care from that. He has an older car and some other assets.

Now we never know what kind of day he will be having when we visit. Sometimes he will refuse to talk to us, sometimes he takes a few minutes to figure out who we are, sometimes he tells us how proud he is that we are (my sister and I) are taking care of him and sometimes he tells us we are taking his belongings and making him stay in this place. Today was a good day. My sister, my aunt and cousin were there and all of a sudden my dad says “if anyone knows of a job let me know.” Dementia is kicking in. We are trying to explain to him why he doesn’t need a job and assure him he will be taken care of. Thankfully dinner came then and we could avoid continuing that conversation.

Tessa –

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.com (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

He has been talking about Zee and Zeke the aliens that come to him. Finally found out today that they are real people, ones an aide and the other works there. They are aware that he thinks they are aliens. Sometimes you just got to laugh.

Now on the annoying side is all the women there have a crush on him and I can’t convince them I am not his wife so they spend the whole time pointing at me and talking about me. They were really making quite a scene of it today and it’s embarrassing.

 

Bipolar Disorder 1 under control for over 6 months now with this new medicine cocktail

Aside from the Cymbalta this is the only other cocktail that has worked. Sometimes I miss the mania, but basically it is better without it and all the mood changes.

And this one lets me sleep. No real side effects and sleep. Some days though I sleep way more than necessary, but I take it. I don’t want to mess with this cocktail and screw it up trying to make it better.

Bankruptcy court April 16th in a town I hate to drive in and includes highways which really scare me.

Next epidural is April 17th and on the neck this time. Back is not taking. She says she has other things we can try besides the surgery so I am to quit worrying about that for now. Neck is getting worse and have a problem with numbness (or pins and needles as it should be called).

Still nothing from public housing about the apartment.

Tessa – advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.wordpress.com (this blog contains my old work), new work is on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

 

No point in asking…

Why me? There is no point in asking as there is no answer forthcoming. If you believe in re-incarnation you could say I am paying for one hell of a sin.

The only thing I know is that I can barely stand it anymore. The pain pills are not helping or my pain is worse than I thought.

I am using a cane now to walk and need support to pull myself up and down stairs. I can’t do it on my own. Getting out of bed is pure excruciating pain and almost impossible for me to do now.  I thought I knew what a 10 in the pain score meant before, but that is now a 15. Worse than childbirth at times and my 3 children were born naturally no pain relief. I have lived with chronic pain for over 40 years yet it is still possible to find pain that is worse than that.

Last time I went through this I didn’t think it could get worse, but it can. Oh it certainly can. I have heard good and bad things about surgery if they go that route. I could become totally immobile. Heck I almost am now. Not sure I like them messing with my spine. I won’t even let the chiropractor touch it anymore.

My Fibromyalgia is joining in on the fun. I am in full flare, pins and needles from that. numbness and pins and needles throughout my entire body from pinched nerves and Fibro. Arthritis running amuck. Some people have mild arthritis, but don’t know just how bad it can get. And it could be rheumatoid arthritis and worse so I shouldn’t complain too much I suppose. I would gather that is worse. Mine is inflamed and wrapped around my spine and squeezing.

They call it degenerative for a reason. It will not get better. It will continue to get worse. Talk about a life sentence.

My anxiety is super high even with meds. My bipolar is actually fairly stable at the moment so I am not dealing with my mental health being out of control. Thank God for small favors at least.

Teresa (Tessa) Dean Smeigh

-Advocate for Mental and Invisible Illnesses

-Author of Articles, Stories and Poems

http://www.tessacandoit.com

http://www.finallyawriter.wordpress.com (moving posts to other blog and will be deleting this one).