I have been doing my best not to complain about the pain. The family is tired of hearing it and think I use it as an excuse to get out of things. Maybe they are right, but it doesn’t change the pain any. I have been trying to distract myself with writing poems, working on blog. cleaned some of my room because Dad told me to and reading some of the blogs online.
I even went to a football game for my grandson and didn’t mention the pain and how sitting in the bleaches hurt. I just watched the game as much as possible and shut up. I promised the family I would stop pushing them away so that is the reason I went to the game. My grandson didn’t even get to play. My ex-husband was there which still sets my blood to boiling (so much for forgiveness yet), but he was involved mainly with our grandson the Marine who leaves tomorrow for 2 years in Okinawa, Japan. At least he is not in Afghanistan.
I am trying to remember some of the good stuff from when I was married. I am trying to forget the bad stuff, but it sure is hard. More bad than good.
My blood sugar numbers are all over the place. I have no control whatsoever and they say it is the pain and stress causing it. I can hardly wait for the high numbers from the steroid shots.
Tomorrow I have my appointments with the dietician and the nurse at the Diabetes center and then my psycho-therapy appointment. I go every weeks. Lately it has been very emotional.
Dr. Wayne Dyer uses that quote above instead of seeing is believing.
Last night before falling asleep I said over and over the “I am” statements. I must not have convinced myself because 5 minutes later my pain increased. Worse than it has been in some time. I have to believe it. Part of me doesn’t. Part of me wants to blame someone else for all my problems.
My faith in God is dwindling right now. I do not believe in him as strongly as I did for a while. What I was afraid would happen didn’t in so many cases, that I should believe more strongly.
I am happy!
I am healthy!
I am prosperous!
I am content!
I am not going to let this stop me. I know there is truth in this and have been successful at times. I must believe it to see it. It makes so much sense.
To all my faithful readers I am sorry for the down time. I am trying to bring myself back to a life worth living. I know this is God’s plan for me so I will try to resume his plans. God bless you all!!
He Died on the Cross For Us
I will follow wherever you lead, my Lord!
By Teresa Smeigh
With You is the fountain of life; in Your light we see light.
Meditate upon the Lord and you will see a different perspective. You stop worrying and your burdens weaken as God strengthens you.
Remind me to seek your help with my burdens. Lord strengthen me
The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you! I Corinthians 6:23