I have been doing my best not to complain about the pain. The family is tired of hearing it and think I use it as an excuse to get out of things. Maybe they are right, but it doesn’t change the pain any. I have been trying to distract myself with writing poems, working on blog. cleaned some of my room because Dad told me to and reading some of the blogs online.
I even went to a football game for my grandson and didn’t mention the pain and how sitting in the bleaches hurt. I just watched the game as much as possible and shut up. I promised the family I would stop pushing them away so that is the reason I went to the game. My grandson didn’t even get to play. My ex-husband was there which still sets my blood to boiling (so much for forgiveness yet), but he was involved mainly with our grandson the Marine who leaves tomorrow for 2 years in Okinawa, Japan. At least he is not in Afghanistan.
I am trying to remember some of the good stuff from when I was married. I am trying to forget the bad stuff, but it sure is hard. More bad than good.
My blood sugar numbers are all over the place. I have no control whatsoever and they say it is the pain and stress causing it. I can hardly wait for the high numbers from the steroid shots.
Tomorrow I have my appointments with the dietician and the nurse at the Diabetes center and then my psycho-therapy appointment. I go every weeks. Lately it has been very emotional.
Teresa (Tessa) Dean Smeigh
-Advocate for Mental and Invisible Illnesses
-Author of Articles, Stories and Poems
http://www.finallyawriter.wordpress.com (moving posts to other blog and will be deleting this one).
Tessa Can Do It - Positivity is Everything! 
I can so relate to this…almost all…
sitting on those bleachers omg… talk about pain…I remember them all to well…
I also trying to do more around the house here…pushing myself…and trying not to push loved ones away is so hard…I hate for people to see me in pain and I don’t usually mention it I usually just say when asked how am I doing I just say hanging in there… I am blessed with my dad helping along with my better half but I know that they are tired of doing all the things they have on there plate…
I really hope that you get some relief you deserve…and remember its ok if you are not able to do things…
Huggggs
Suzette
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Thanks Suzette. I do so hate being a burden or at least feeling like one. Or in my case being made to feel like one.
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I understand and hear ya …
no one should make you feel like a burden …you are sick and in severe pain… that most pain pills don’t even help… they should understand your pain maybe get a few books and lend them out to ones that just don’t get it…
At times I even have to lay down during the day and I used to beat myself up I wasn’t used to the positive support I have these days… so when it gets to the point where I lay down dad n better half just tell me its ok and if I need anything just ask…I wish this for you… remember that you are not a burden at all… you can’t see many illnesses like ours and they need to encourage you and help… not add stress to you…
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They do to a point, but sometimes I guess they just get tired of it. Heck I am tired of it. Chronic pain for 40 years and I even suffered as a child and in my teens. My body has betrayed me all of my life and you are right they can’t see it and so it must not be there. I don’t even have enough pain pills yet and waiting to see pain management. That is October 17.
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I don’t blame you getting tired of it and I am sure they do too but its part of you…Imma with you I get real sick n tired of being sick n tired lol…
40 years my heart cries out for you…I feel like I’m going to loose my mind sometimes with the pain…I am sure you can understand that after 40 years my god!!!… I am going on over 16 years of it…I just had a birthday on the 20th I’m 47 years old and I get scared of how I feel or when sick n bed… you must have strong faith… we are alike I was born at 7 month and weigh only 3 pounds n dropped a lot of my childhood was spent in the hospital … so i do get what you are saying my dear friend…
Oh lord the pain mang dr … now that would be one hell of a blog post from me lol…in short the one I was seeing over 10 years just out of the blue stopped seeing me and took me off medications and will not release my records to any doctors… for again no reason… and the drive to Dallas every month 60+ miles one way … I tried to see another pain dr but he wants records and wants me to fill out a 100 forms lolol I have a head injury and can’t remember all that is wrong with me lol… so fed up with this health care…
I can’t believe you won’t have enough pain pills…have you called the doctors office and tell them this???… you don’t want to go thru withdrawals !!!…
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Thanks. I am not worried about withdrawals. Had so few I only took 1 or 2 on a bad night. Didn’t take all 4 of them per day. That is why the pain is so bad right now. I am not on a full maintenance dose yet. This is the same pain dr I saw before, but had to stop because I had no insurance til Medicare kicked in. I am so sorry your pain dr did that. Yes they do have a lot of paperwork. I just filled out 13 pages of it. She is going to want a cervical MRI and my insurance won’t authorize it. It will be up to her to convince them or I may not get the steroid shots. Already can’t do the physical therapy, not that it helped much last time anyhow.
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