Tessa needs help and prayers from those that pray…

As most of you know this has been a very bad week for me and today so far takes the cake.

I just spent a half an hour crying and talking to my dad. He doesn’t know what to say, but he tried. I want my mom and she isn’t here on earth any more. More tears now.

I don’t know what is happening to me today. Is it just today or is this the new way things are going to be and I have to go back and try to work on the meds again. I did so well for almost 5 months. 

It could just be hysteria, I am prone to hysterical outbursts and the fear that my Bipolar is out of control again is scaring me right now.

I might even have to take a break if this keeps up because I am definitely not spewing rainbows right now Morgue, Sass, Diane, E and Blahpolar and Zoe (glad to see you back).

Damn tears, I can barely see through them.

Anyhow, positive thoughts and prayers would be appreciated right now if you don’t mind. You don’t have to write them, just say them in your head for me. I will hang in here as long as I can.

Thanks and much love to you all ❤

Tessa

Suicide Through the Cracks: The one the system missed

I can so relate to this. RIP Joe!

Anger/Rage…is my Bipolar Disorder Destabilizing?

I have to admit that I feel different. Minor things are making me angry. I haven’t hit rage yet, just anger, but I was doing so good for almost 5 months. 

I hope it is a temporary thing because I am terrified of going back into that void called Bipolar Disorder and the Borderline Personality Disorder since that makes the mood swings so rapid. Can be 5 minutes apart. 

I am definitely stressed because that is aggravating the Fibromyalgia. I’d hate the stress to be for naught and I am suffering for nothing.

I know the so-called normals get angry too, but these are stupid things that set me off and the increased pain is not helping.

I don’t feel manic or really deep depression, but I can say there is a bit of depression showing up. Again that can be normal. 

I am going to end up making myself hysterical over probably what is nothing to worry about.

I am definitely flying off the handle way too easily right now and I want a new life. Tired of this one, so tired of all the crap, day in and day out and pretending everything is fine. 

I just lied. I just realized that I do feel hyper, maybe hypomanic is next, maybe a mixed mood. Why do things have to be so difficult?

I apologize to those whose blogs I can’t read every post, but I have over 500 followers on the one blog and over 300 on the other one which is picking up again. I am now at 28 emails and I got regular mail in there I have to find. 

Okay rant done for now.

Tessa

Tessa’s Fibro not getting better, injured arm from accident not getting better, ready to spew angry thoughts from Bipolar Disorder.

I am in the worst pain ever. My knees are so bad that walking is painful and forget that I have to climb stairs to get to my bedroom. My sunshine spewing Chiropractor is killing me slowly with his adjustments. I have Fibro he pushes the hell out of the trigger points. He put a vibrating thing on today and I was yelling for mercy. I find it hard to believe he is making me better since I have been going for at least 4 or 5 years and this is where I am at. I am afraid to quit, because what if he is right and he is helping and I end up twice as bad as I am now.

I woke up with a terrible headache and my skull hurt to touch. Still does and he adjusted my neck which has shooting pains. My upper back still hurts so lying on it is very painful. Days like these make me want to repent my sins and ask for forgiveness.

I can’t help what the Bipolar makes me do. I have no control after a certain point. I never used to complain. As I got older and it got worse the complaining about everything got worse and I don’t take shit from waitresses, sales people, etc. Embarrass the kids.

All right no sunshine spewing from me right now. I am going to lie down and try to forget I exist.

Tessa