250 posts…

In 3 months I have written 250 posts. This makes 251, actually more, but there are a lot scheduled just not published.

Tessa

I’m melting, I’m melting…

Ding dong the witch is dead, the wicked witch, the wicked witch. Ding dong the wicked witch is dead.

For this short play Latuda will be the wicked witch and the nurse melted her.

Now I am free again and today I felt so much better without it. 

After my appointment with her I filled my prescription for my old mood stabilizer and had lunch with a friend, walked in the park, got a new keyboard and just feel all around better. Maybe I should just stay on my old mood stabilizer and the Cymbalta. Changing is giving me nothing but grief.

I overate my carbs today so I can only imagine my blood sugar level. It is down to 181 so that isn’t too bad. Could be a lot worse.

Still drinking all my water and taking all of my pills and inhaler plus the nasty adrenal support.

I have been taking a shower almost every day. Miss a day here and there, but I don’t do anything to get super dirty.

Soon as a little more of the gray grows out I am getting it cut quite short. I have thick hair and holding it up in the shower to wash it hurts my arms. I want to wash it, air dry it and be done with it. And I want it out of my face. I am tired of dyeing it and can’t afford the salon visit. Can’t do it myself. So back to my original hair color which is gray.

Tessa

The Doctor (poem)

I had to go to the doctor today.

I wanted to hear what she had to say.

I wondered if she’d make my day

or she’d ruin it with nothing to say?

She opened her mouth so she could say

Take 2 pills and see me next day.

Tessa

P.S. This is what happens when I am hypo-manic or even full blown mania. Things just pop into my head.

Warrior Cat (poem)

Warrior Cat, warrior cat make that stance.

Warrior Cat, warrior cat wanna dance?

You look at me with those mean little eyes,

Which one of us will be the one that dies?

Tessa

P.S. My cat is an indoor cat so she isn’t a warrior, but she was standing in the funniest stance, I couldn’t resist.

The Wizard gave me a new brain, Latuda free!

I made a list for the nurse with everything on it and it was good because I am too hyper to keep it all in my mind. I didn’t take any Latuda today because taking it earlier didn’t help and I didn’t want to take it at all. She agreed with me.

I read her my list and I was talking a mile a minute and I told her I was annoying everyone with all my talking. She said I can see that. I said I am hyper not really manic. She said no, your are hypo-manic for sure. 

We discussed the situation and first she was going to just leave me on the Cymbalta and let the Latuda clear out of my system, but then she figured I might go full manic without a mood stabilizer so she put me back on the one I was on, but just a low dose. I didn’t need the rapid cycling  from the Borderline Personality Disorder all month.

Now I just have to wait for the Latuda to leave my body and for it to even out with the low-dose mood stabilizer I take (Trilofon).  When the mood stabilizer is too strong I go seriously depressed and consider suicide again.

Tessa

Agoraphobia and Safety Behaviors

By Katharina Star, Ph.D.  — Panic Disorder Expert

Agoraphobia is a type of phobia that is typically associated with panic disorder. Although less common, in some cases agoraphobia can also develop on its own. The following describes the symptoms, safety behaviors, and typical treatment options related to agoraphobia.

Understanding Agoraphobia <— Please click here for article

Tuesday morning I am off to see the Wizard…or Dr. House please!

Thank God tomorrow is my psyche nurse appointment. She monitors my medications and prescribes them. I couldn’t stand these side-effects from the Latuda much longer. Still can’t sleep with the insomnia from the Latuda no matter when I take it. I wanted to scream earlier and run outside and scream and I was annoying my dad because I couldn’t shut up. One minute I want to lie down and try to sleep and the next I am wiggling around and up again. I can’t sit still to read and write my blogs.

My nerves are simply shot. I hope she has something else I can try without all these side effects. This is why I hate trying new drugs. I simply am not able to take them. I am surprised the Cymbalta didn’t cause troubles and I am taking 90 mg of it. Too high for my Rheumatologist so my nurse writes the last 30 mg. They are splitting the drug for the Fibromyalgia (60 mg) and 30 for the Antidepressant.

I am writing this and jumping up and down in the chair. It is driving me nuts. At least my dreams are not horrible. 

If all goes well I will get to see a friend for lunch after my appointment. Thursday is my therapy appointment. I need to talk to him about panic attacks and agoraphobia. Reading up  on it, it makes sense. I stay in here because I am afraid to go anywhere. Sometimes I have to and I can go out to some places, but I have missed a lot in my life due to fear. Sometimes I am avoiding the world, but not always. Just scared to go out to places especially with lots of people and terrified I will have a panic attack.

I will try and go to sleep again. It is after midnight here and I have to go to an early appointment tomorrow morning.

Tessa