My blood sugars are amazing me right now…

For dinner I had a 12 inch hoagie. I took my levels at 2 hours after and it is 95. If my A1c doesn’t come down this next test I am going to freak. I am working hard and trying different foods I eat and see how they affect me, but it seems like splitting that pill in half was the best thing I could do. This blog keeps me accountable.

I have to take the Latuda with food so took it 2 hours ago with dinner. I laid down since I wasn’t sure if it would cause me drowsiness or not. I even took my regular night pills in case it knocked me out and I missed them. So far still awake and even the night pills aren’t doing anything.

I no longer crave soda. I crave water. Amazing. This whole thing is amazing me.

I probably won’t be on later. Going to try and sleep since I have to get up earlier tomorrow and still don’t know what this Latuda is going to do to me. I hate trying new medications.

Plus I pulled something in my back again so extra pain besides the Fibromyalgia.

Tessa

…….” Keep Moving On ” ……

I too am a survivor. I couldn’t even kill myself right. I am still here and so my time has not yet come to leave this world.

I am now the proud owner of……..

Latuda 40 mg!

Finally it came in. Now it wasn’t my generic price obviously, but I think I can handle the $6.60 ok. If I wasn’t so poor I would pay a lot more. She told me the regular price is around $800.00 for this amount of mg and 30 days.

The bad thing is that I have to eat with it. I am supposed to have a small snack before bedtime anyhow so I guess I will take it then. There is always some complication right off the start. Might cause drowsiness so I hope it helps me sleep. The dizziness I can do without. I fall over all by myself. 🙂

Tessa

Craving water…Fibromyalgia lessens some

I never thought I would be craving water. I always hated water and would drink diet soda all day and night. Now the caffeine and aspartame are out of my body and my Fibromyalgia pain has lessened some.

I guess I can trust some of these articles for foods to cut out to lessen Fibro pain. Long way to go before I can say I don’t have to suffer with Fibro, but I will take this little bit as helpful.

Getting ready to head to pharmacy to see if they have my Latuda yet.

Tessa

27 questions…

E over at That Anxious Mom has done it again. She wrote in her post that a lot of the surveys we used to fill out back when we were toddlers could have put us at risk of being hacked. I actually hadn’t thought about that until today.

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?

My credit card bills, as I seem to get nowhere.

2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?

As sad as it sounds I don’t remember having a romantic dinner per se, even with my ex-husband.

3. What do you really want to be doing right now?

To be honest, sleeping. I am depressed and fighting to stay out of bed.

4. How many colleges did you attend?

One semester at a college and graduated from a technical school for computer programming and web design.

5. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?

Because it is clean with no spots on it 🙂

6. What are your thoughts on gas prices?

I just noticed they were going up again. Thank heavens I don’t do a lot of driving.

7. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?

I don’t use alarms… unless I have to go somewhere.

8. Last thought before going to sleep last night?

Hope I don’t have another dream like giant purple cobwebs or marching bands going though my room.

9. Do you miss being a child?

I would never want to be a child again.

10. What errand/chore do you despise?

I hate all house chores. Plus I am lazy. Only while manic do I get into cleaning my room.

11. Get up early or sleep in?

Used to sleep in all day, now I force myself to get up so I am going to sleep earlier.

12. Have you found real love yet?

Not really. I am not even sure what it means and yes I was married, but it wasn’t a happy one.

13. Favorite lunch meat?

Fried bologna.

14. What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart?

Everything but meats. Won’t eat the meat there.

15. Beach or lake?

Beach.

16. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?

I am divorced, but would love to marry again only this time to the right man.

17. Sopranos or Desperate Housewives?

Desperate Housewives.

18. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?

Mark Harmon.

19. Have you ever crashed your vehicle?

Not really, I have had people run into my car. I did however let my foot slip off the brake and hit a fence, minor damage.

20. Ever use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?

Never.

21. Ring tone?

I forget. Something rock and roll.

22. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?

I brush my teeth in the shower.

23. Somewhere in California you’ve never been and would like to go?

Never been to California. Maybe Hollywood!

23. Do you go to church?

Not now.

24. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?

No more working for me, so a new relationship.

25. How old are you?

58

26. Do you have a go-to person?

A friend.

27. Are you where you want to be in life?

No and can’t imagine every being anywhere near there. In fact I don’t know where I want to be.

Tessa

God Gave Me You

Ahh the fears of us mere mortals. I have the same feeling, but I am not dating anyone and no one on the immediate horizon,but I know it can happen at anytime so not giving up hope.

My Struggles Today

Finding the man of my dreams has made such a huge impact on my life. Don’t get me wrong…I’m NOT saying two things. First, I’m not saying a MAN is the answer to bipolar disorder, or any other mental illness. Secondly, I’m not saying it was easy. I was very insecure, especially when we first started dating.

My whole life I always had a fear no one would love me. No one would ever want to have physical contact with me. No one would ever like to brag about me being their dream girl. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be accepted.

Then, I was diagnosed and, of course, that fear increased tremendously. How could a man love me for who I am, after what I’ve done in my life, the self injury, the hospitalizations, and then throw in mental illness … Bipolar, Generalized anxiety disorder, PTSD, depression …

But…

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But That Was Her Life

This is how so many of us feel, but I am all for laying my cards on the table and trying to do something about it! Good luck there.

The not-so secret life of a manic depressant.

She came from a happy family. One that had been through their fair share of issues, but it was mostly happy nonetheless.

She lived a decent life. She had a loving partner, a dog and a good circle of friends as well as a job.

However, a part of her seemed to be broken. She couldn’t shake the negativity she felt, and the anxiety was no better.

She was depressed. Hurting inside. She wanted to scream and shout and let the world know what it was like to be her.

But she could not.

Ignorant folk everywhere. The ones who’ll say “there’s always someone worse off than you” and “why don’t you just be positive?”

But they don’t know what it’s like.

They don’t know what it’s like to wake up in the morning and wish you could sleep your whole day away, just because you can’t deal with what…

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Earlier bird, but still no worms…good!

And no nightmares. I can’t remember my dreams at all. I was in bed by 10:30 AM, read till maybe 11 AM and out I went. I am still sleeping with that light on. It is comforting and not super  bright like the overheads, but just a gentle glow.

I took my fasting sugar and it was 115. Not bad still under the 120 for fasting and I did eat a ton of carbs last night for dinner. Sometime those linger on. I am happy with my current numbers and I am experimenting with just how much I can have and not blow it apart again. That was what I hated the first time I started watching my carb intake. I can’t remember though and still need to do the checks. If I can mainly keep them low during the day and night my A1c will be much lower and the doctor much happier.

He also told me to exercise daily. He doesn’t believe in Fibromyalgia and so as far as he is concerned I can do a regular exercise regime. One of those would put me in bed and agony for days. I paid a personal trainer for years to work with me. She trained in helping the elderly and the people with Fibro. So she helped me doing gentle stretches. I can’t afford that anymore and I am in a lot worse shape. Walking a little bit here and there is it for me.

I took my shower this morning. That is almost every day for the last few weeks. Very good for me.

Took all morning meds including that nasty adrenal stress. Working on the first half of my water consumption.

Doing anything is hard when you feel depressed even if not the deep depressions I am prone to where suicide enters my head. I now let my doctor and the nurse know immediately. I was so bad one day at therapy he almost called the ambulance to take me to the hospital. I refused telling him I wasn’t going to do it, just thinking about it. Today supposedly I can pick up the Latuda and start that tonight. I hope no major side effects.

Tessa – off to face another long day.